The Only One

More often than not, I do fairly well at holding myself together. Even in trying situations - situations that should break me - I tough it out. But here recently all I can do is cry. About Everything. So here's some things my brain has deemed cry worthy the past week:

My 4yo son, who was completely potty trained, has started peeing everywhere EXCEPT the toilet. I'm talking floor, buckets, top of the stairs, even in my vents. the first couple times we cleaned it up, we talked about how we weren't going to do it again, and moved on with our day. He still does though. And now I don't know what to do other than cry every time he does.

I miss my friends. Some I don't see anymore because of work schedules, some I haven't talked to in years, but I think of our memories together every single day. My bestfriend (and twinkie) passed away about 11 months ago, I haven't been the same since. The girl I recently called my bestfriend was a lying, narcissistic, sociopath that I had to cut out of my life for my own sanity. But I miss her and her kids more than I can even explain. Put all that together and you wind up with endless hours of tears. 

On Halloween my kids' face paint make-up turned out differently than it had the day before when we went trunk-or-treating. We did pictures the day before and it was light out. Halloween night was dark and we went to a total of 4 houses. Their make up didn't matter. But I couldn't let go that it didn't look as good on the day that 'actually' mattered. 

My boyfriend is wayyyy too handsome. That's it. That was the entire reason. (like, why does crying over that even make sense?) 

I miss my job. I just impulsively quit about a week ago. And have cried over that decision every day sense. My place of work was my comfort zone. Those were people I considered family. I felt safe and secure. And I let all that go because? 

I can't decide if I like my hair better light or dark. It's on the lighter side now, and I want to dye it, but what happens if I don't like it? Its so much harder to go back light from dark. 

My phone froze. (In my defense, it had happened like 10 times that day). 

I've just felt helpless. Like I can't pull it together. I've spent hours in bed crying. Sometimes not even knowing the direct reason. I've found relief in cuddles(both from my boyfriend and my children), and journaling. I Just bought a couple self guided journals that will be arriving in the next couple days, Be on the look out for reviews on those!

Stay Radical, Darling.